What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
