I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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