I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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