it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
