he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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