You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
