Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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