these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
