i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
