My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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