You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
