Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Are we still banned from the library?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
