Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
