Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
