i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
