Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
