we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
