I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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