well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
