just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
