today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
