he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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