id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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