I wanna bring you to show and tell
I hope mine doesn't look like that
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
