Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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