there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
