last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
