Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
