guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
