The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
