I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
