Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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