I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
