I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It was confusing and full of hummus
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
