Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
