I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Welp...herpes.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
