She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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