We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
