I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Your cock deserves a montage
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
