So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
