i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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