I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
