I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
