She went from zero to smokin in five shots
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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