Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Randomize
