I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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