There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
