My first STD was from a foam party
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
