remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just pee around me
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
