she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
